I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
