i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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