you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
