dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
