Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
