And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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