so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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