A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize