I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
