I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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