Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you win again, gameday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
