Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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