be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had sex on a roof
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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