Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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