Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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