She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
