I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
