thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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