So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
