I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
