hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
