dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
