I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
