We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
