Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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