also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
