He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
