I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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