Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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