thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MIDGETS
????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
