So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
