Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
