How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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