the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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