she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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