Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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