i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
