I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What a dumb baby whore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
