I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
