oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
