I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
