You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When are your genitals available?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
