Christians are straight up FREAKS
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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