I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
