On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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