I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
