i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
