I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
