4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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