He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
