Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
