I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
