I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
