Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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