For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
