This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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