I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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