So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
